Why We Stay Too Long & How to Break Free From the Wrong Life Path
Where is your life “going?” We tend to think of our lives in terms of roads or paths. I think part of it may be due to Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken,” but there are so many metaphors that apply the concept of traveling a road to living our lives that we can’t ignore the comparison.
So I’ll ask again, where is your life going? More importantly, are you happy with where your life is going? If not, what would it take for you to change paths?
Why We Stay Too Long on a Wrong Life Path
You would think that if we found ourselves on a wrong life path, we’d immediately jump off. We don’t always, though. Very often, even when we know we should do something different, we keep doing the same things. Oh my goodness, why do we do that?
For one thing, familiarity has a certain allure. We find comfort in routine and predictability. The Comfort Zone is called that for a good reason. We tend to fear the unknown, and change involves risks. We can’t always know what the risks are. While sometimes there’s no good reason to take a risk we can’t calculate, some risks will be necessary, even if they’re not fully predictable.
We also face the expectations of others, and there’s no denying that others’ expectations of us do influence us. Sometimes, important people in our lives pressure us to “stick it out,” to “stay the course.” We can also worry about what others will think of us if we leave a path or pivot to something else.
There’s also an emotional weight of attachment to where we are now and how we got here. We build a whole identity around a career, a location, or a certain pursuit. If we’ve invested in something with meaning for us, it can be difficult to let it go.
The Sunk Cost Fallacy
This is a big problem for me. Sunk Cost is when you keep investing in something because you’ve already got so much into it. This could be money, time, or effort. I have a project I simply must finish, for no other reason than the fact that I’ve been working on it longer than I ever should have. But we could talk about a job you stay with too long, a relationship you feel like you have too much in to leave, and, as with my project, hobbies.
Sunk costs hold us back by letting us mistake persistence for progress (or in my case, substitute stubbornness for persistence). We can choose the familiar cost over an uncertain opportunity. We stick with something when it could be more fulfilling to just let it go and move on to something that will serve us better.
Sunk costs are a part of life. Not every investment will pay out the way you want it to. They’re not determinants of future decisions, though, or, at least, they don’t have to be. These past investments can be lessons, rather than obligations.
The Comfort Zone and its Hidden Costs
We couldn’t talk about life paths without discussing the Comfort Zone. It’s comfortable because it offers temporary ease and the illusion of stability. Human nature tends to avoid discomfort. We seek comfort because we’re wired that way.
The Comfort Zone can be a trap, though. It can cause us to stagnate in our career, in our hobbies, in our personality, because we miss out on growth opportunities. We can die with unrealized potential due to fear-driven inaction. The paralysis of uncertainty can keep us from doing anything at all.
The Case for Change
Is it absolutely necessary for you to change direction? I can’t answer that for you, but you can find out for yourself. Use your tools! You can record your impressions in a journal to help you find connections you might miss without recording them. You can talk with mentors to see how they’ve handled changes in their lives and careers. You can also just sit and daydream, envisioning your future, all your possible futures.
Some things you can ponder might be about goals and values – is this road aligned with yours? Where is this road heading? Are there side roads and variations that could provide some variety without completely changing life paths?
Are you waiting for that perfect moment? Don’t. It doesn’t exist. The right moment is the moment you decide is the right moment. Waiting will likely bring you more regret than any action will.
Taking action sooner than later can provide a great benefit in progress. You don’t have to be a mathematical genius to understand that jumping from one path to another is much easier while the paths are closer together than further down the road when they’re far apart. You also don’t have to make a complete change all at once. If you’re not ready to jump all in, find ways to sample the new idea before you take a complete leap. You might see if you could shadow someone one day a week in a career you’re interested in, or try to find a part-time position in it.
Your Turn
Look, whatever path you’re on, you’re going to end up where that path goes, if you stay on it. If you’re okay with it, I’m okay with it. But if you’re not sure, start looking at other roads today to see where it is you want to be. It’s not going to be comfortable, and that’s the only thing I can guarantee. I don’t even really know what my comfort zone feels like anymore, because it seems that something in my life is always changing. You have the power to change your direction – what road will you take today?
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