The only completely certain way to keep your kids safe online is to keep your kids offline.<\/p>\n
Now that we\u2019ve gotten that out of the way, let\u2019s get real. The internet is a wonderful tool that can provide access to the universe. It can open doors to education and entertainment. And let\u2019s remember that not all entertainment is a waste of time, and not all education and information is beneficial. \u00a0ALL of it\u2014the good and the bad\u2014is \u201cout there\u201d just waiting for your search engine to grab and display for you. \u00a0But you knew all that. So how do we screen out the stuff we don\u2019t want?<\/p>\n
What you want is called a filter, and there\u2019s a pretty good chance that your Internet Service Provider (ISP) offers one. \u00a0I know that when I was with AT&T, they had one. Wild Blue had one, Hughesnet has one; most of the providers call them Parental Controls. Ours is done now through OpenDNS, which can be a bit cumbersome and geeky to set up, but it works very well and offers some broader customization options. Additionally there are many commercial offerings, and a search on the keyphrase \u201cparental controls\u201d will give you a ton of providers. If you select the one from your ISP, they\u2019ll be able to help you get it set up.<\/p>\n
Great, so we\u2019ve got the computers filtered, but what about phones?<\/p>\n
All the smartphone platforms offer parental controls apps. We\u2019re using one called Mobicip. The app itself is free and you can put it on your kids\u2019 phones and control certain things, but for right at $10\/year per phone you can get a subscription to the online service where you can do some more configuration per phone. The website offers profiles for various age groups that you can use as-is, or you can configure to fit your personal needs. \u00a0THIS IS ONLY ONE OFFERING\u2014it was the one that looked like it fit what I was looking for.<\/p>\n
Wonderful\u2014so now all the kiddies are protected from stuff that can hurt them, right?<\/p>\n
Wrong.<\/p>\n
First, filters are not infallible. They will make errors in \u201cjudgment” and let some stuff through that shouldn\u2019t go through. Or else they\u2019ll be so restrictive that you\u2019ll have to loosen them up so you can at least use the web, and then some stuff will get through that you don\u2019t want. It\u2019s a delicate and difficult balance to keep out only all the bad stuff and let in only all the good stuff. Besides, not all the stuff you want to keep out can be filtered, and this is where the BEST protection comes in\u2014YOU, the parent, or grandparent, or aunt, or uncle, or pastor, or loving friend.<\/p>\n
You can\u2019t filter out haters on social media\u2014but you can empower your child to not maintain a relationship with them. There is no reason for your child to remain in contact on social media with someone who is mean to them. Is there?<\/p>\n
Not everyone who claims to be a 12-year-old boy in middle school is a 12-year-old boy in middle school. \u00a0Way too many strangers who claim to be 12-year-old boys in middle school are actually middle-aged child predators of both sexes. Your child should NEVER, EVER, EVER be friends online with someone they don\u2019t know offline. The exception to this is in cases of well-vetted and heavily-moderated safe places for kids, sponsored by an organization you know well. Your church may partner with an affiliated church in a distant city and have adults monitor the activity of online content and participants. \u00a0When I was growing up I had a pen pal. We corresponded a couple of times a month, and we never met. That was not unusual, but that was a different time. I saw an organization a while back that provided moderated chat rooms for kids, and can\u2019t recall the name of it now, but do your research and make sure of the safeguards in place before you let your child befriend anyone online. Grownups can put pieces of information together and learn an awful lot about your kids and your kids won\u2019t even know about it. \u00a0(By the way, if you have a sports or ballet sticker on your car window with your child\u2019s name on it, you\u2019ve just provided enough for a predator to get started; consider removing it.)<\/p>\n
Stuff happens. People make mistakes. They get fooled into clicking on a link. They get dissed and bullied and harassed online just like they get dissed and bullied and harassed offline. Here\u2019s what you need to make sure your kids know:<\/p>\n
(This is not a misprint, I\u2019m purposely repeating it, because you kids need to know what follows:) Stuff happens. People make mistakes. They get fooled into clicking on a link. They get dissed and bullied and harassed online just like they get dissed and bullied and harassed offline. \u00a0That\u2019s digital life.<\/p>\n
How do you make sure they know it? You talk to them. \u00a0Seriously. You sit down with them, turn off the television, ask them to put the phone in the pocket and leave it there for a few minutes. You start out by telling them that they are not in trouble, and you are not accusing them of anything, you just want to let them know something you\u2019ve learned and you hope they can learn from. You tell them that sometimes people think it\u2019s funny to get them to click on a link that sends them to a porn site. You tell them that some websites are supported by advertisers whose products have nothing to do with the subject of the website they wanted to visit, and they probably won\u2019t know it till they get there. (**this site is supported by advertising, some of which has nothing to do with technology, but I have filtered out any \u201cadult\u201d content; some sites don\u2019t do that.) You tell them that you\u2019ve done your best to make sure that your home is a safe place to surf the web, but that there is always a chance that someone else knows how to get around the filters, and as a result, they may end up at a website they never intended to go to. TELL THEM THAT YOU KNOW THAT THIS CAN HAPPEN WITHOUT THEM WANTING IT TO HAPPEN\u2014it\u2019s very important that they understand that if it does happen\u2014and it likely will\u2014they should feel okay telling you about it, so that you can add the website to the blocked domain list in the filter. Also you need to know this so you can help them not feel guilty for what they may have seen. Some of the images are not only pornographic, some are just plain disgusting, and your child may need help getting through that. The most important thing to come out of the conversation is the most protective thing you have to offer: your understanding of the fact that if it happens, it may not be your child\u2019s fault. Not every teenage kid wants to view pornography, but it\u2019s very important that they understand that you won\u2019t be mad at your child for telling you about a bad site that popped up. Remember kids don\u2019t have the range of experiences that you do, and an unfortunate misplaced space in a website name could very well lead them to places they\u2019d rather not go.<\/p>\n
You are your kids\u2019 best defense against inappropriate internet activity. As fabulous as the World Wide Web can be, don\u2019t forget that your kids also need a very healthy dose of disconnected time, and they may not do that willingly. You must be the parent and enforce downtime and outside time and no-phone time.<\/p>\n
We can\u2019t keep kids from falling down and scraping knees, and that\u2019s part of growing up. We can\u2019t keep kids from all the ills of the internet, either, but if you wouldn\u2019t let your five-year-old watch adults doing private \u201cgrownup\u201d stuff in person, you wouldn\u2019t want it available online either. \u00a0If you think it\u2019s important to teach your kids to stand up to bullies in person and to walk away from jerks, you\u2019re going to want to teach them to block people who are toxic to their online experience. Today\u2019s tech-savvy kids know just enough to do what they want to do but not nearly enough to do it safely. When you present yourself to your kids as a resource to help in this, you won\u2019t come off as the dictator who won\u2019t let them experience the journey, you\u2019ll come off as the person who has the map and has also walked the road, and who knows where the map is wrong and where the quicksand is\u2014and how to avoid it.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d love to hear some of your ideas on how you\u2019ve talked to your kids about this, or if you have any questions or concerns, let\u2019s hear them and see what we can come up with to help.The only completely certain way to keep your kids safe online is to keep your kids offline.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The only completely certain way to keep your kids safe online is to keep your kids offline. Now that we\u2019ve gotten that out of the way, let\u2019s get real. The internet is a wonderful tool that can provide access to the universe. It can open doors to education and entertainment. And let\u2019s remember that not…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[279,287,300,308,314,324,357,50,409,460,111,478,481,122,500,505,537,555,573,583,587,605,611,616,161,164,641,642,651,714,53,52,747,765,766,770,203,803,811,869,880,224,930,952,978,993,1017,247,1050,1055],"class_list":["post-135","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-recentrelevant","tag-activity","tag-advertisers","tag-app","tag-att","tag-aunt","tag-balance","tag-bully","tag-computer","tag-configuration","tag-dictator","tag-disconnect","tag-domain","tag-downtime","tag-education","tag-empower","tag-entertainment","tag-filter","tag-friend","tag-grandparent","tag-harassment","tag-hater","tag-hughes","tag-inappropriate","tag-information","tag-internet","tag-isp","tag-journey","tag-judgment","tag-kids","tag-mobicip","tag-offline","tag-online","tag-opendns","tag-parent","tag-parental-controls","tag-pastor","tag-phone","tag-pornography","tag-predator","tag-relationship","tag-restrict","tag-smartphone","tag-social","tag-sticker","tag-television","tag-tool","tag-uncle","tag-universe","tag-website","tag-wild-blue"],"yoast_head":"\n