Looking for the Right Map
For several years I have been trying to talk myself into doing something I really, really want to do: learn to write computer programs. I have always wanted to write computer programs. For my Millennial friends, this will take some imagination: I went to school in a time when the office equipment consisted of an electric typewriter, a telephone (rotary dial) , a mimeograph machine, and the PA microphone. What we knew about computers was that they filled whole rooms and drove the most modern of business offices, space travel, and communications of “the future.” Even at that time, I wanted to write the programs that told them what to do. I assure you, it’s not about the power. I can’t identify what exactly it is that intrigues me, but it has never, in all of my half century, left me.
There is an abundance of resources available, and I have many of those resources already in hand. I have the platform to learn on Windows, Mac, and Linux. I have at least four books (in different sizes and formats) on the subject, and I have an account at Codecademy, and I’ve gotten through a couple of lessons. I can accept baby steps, but these are measured in microns—ridiculous!
I know exactly what is holding me back: fear. That’s what keeps most of us from doing what we really want to do, isn’t it? And this is a really stupid fear, because I have never come up against anything that I wasn’t able to learn how to do. I’ve taught myself how to sew (my mother gave me a good start, to her credit, but I wasn’t ready to learn at that point), knit (same story), crochet (again, same), type, use a computer, and fix it. I taught myself how to can vegetables. So why am I so afraid to jump into this endeavor, at no monetary risk of loss, with all the necessary materials already at hand? There is no consequence for failure, so why not go ahead with it?
My self-justification has always been that I don’t know enough advanced math, but I don’t believe that even within myself. And I think, even as I was typing the words, that I finally see why I haven’t made more progress with it than I have: there is no consequence for failure. There is no deadline, no bonus missed, in short, no accountability, nothing to force me to face my fear of falure. I studied for and passed my tests for A+ and Network+ certifications, under the same conditions, and I know that I need to start studying for the Security+ cert, but that one has a deadline and I have (sort of) gotten started on that one. I have to maintain continuing education efforts for my job, and I have to obtain a certain number of credits within a stated period of time. I don’t know what the consequences are, but it is not unreasonable to assume I could lose my job. That’s a pretty powerful incentive.
Well, that feels better. At least I know WHY, now I need to figure out HOW to get past it.
Any ideas?
