I Bargained with Life for a Penny: How to Stop Settling for Less and Ask for More

My Wage

I bargained with Life for a penny,
and Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store;

Life is a just employer.
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.

I worked for a menial’s hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid.

― Jessie B. Rittenhouse

I heard the first two lines of this poem many years ago from a cassette tape series presented by Earl Nightingale. His rich, resonant voice gave me the confidence to seek more from myself, to demand my best of myself. It was many years later when, reminded of this poem by some circumstance or other, I looked it up and read it in its entirety. Throughout my life, as I look back on the times I prospered and the times I didn’t, every line of this poem was at play. How often have you settled for less than you deserve or can achieve? (I’m also suddenly asking myself if I’m doing it now.)

THE POWER OF EXPECTATION

There are things outside of our control, that is true. There are also many things within our control. How sad that we often spend so much time worrying over things that we can’t control that we neglect the things that we can control. I have found that when I expect good things, I tend to get them. This isn’t magic. It’s really not. When I expect good things, I talk to people in conversation about that expectation. I put things into action in anticipation of that expectation. I seek opportunities about that expectation. I don’t always get what I want or expect, but I do more often than I don’t.

When I haven’t aimed high, I got what I aimed for and was disappointed. I had to learn that Life had paid the wage I required. Even if I had bargained to do an inordinate amount of work for very little return, Life paid me as I bargained. I had no right to be offended at the compensation. Life will remunerate us exactly as we specify, and not a penny more.

SELF-WORTH AND AMBITION

Let’s look at self-worth. We use the term a lot, but it’s important to understand that SELF and WORTH are the two key players here. What are you worth when you bargain? Your self-worth will heavily influence what you believe you can legitimately ask from Life. Let’s be careful not to draw a parallel from self-worth to arrogance. They may be related at time, but that is not a foregone conclusion. Knowing what your input is worth doesn’t make you arrogant. That’s a different conversation.

Ambition need not refer solely to career. I have ambitious goals around my personal growth and fulfillment. I have milestones, goalposts, and numbers I want to meet all throughout my existence. My career is only one facet of my life, and it is an important facet, but I also have expectations in my personal life. I expect that when I put the effort into, say, learning to fly my drone, my skills will improve. That’s the bargain – Life provides me with improved skills as I put the time and work into it.

What do you ask of Life? What do you want? Do you want a certain material thing (there’s nothing wrong with that!), or to attain a level of mastery over a subject? I won’t list all the things I want to achieve here, we’d never get through. Give it some thought before moving on.

NEGOTIATING WITH LIFE: HOW TO ASK FOR MORE

If you find that Life is paying you a low wage in some area of your life, you don’t have to settle for that wage. You can demand that Life pay you what you are worth in that area. How might that happen? You can start by looking at your goals. One of my podcasters once said we should have three sets of goals: Goals you know you can reach, Stretch Goals, and Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals. That has worked for me, and I’ll tell you why. We need the goals we know we can reach, because sometimes we just need a win. Sometimes, at the end of the day, just cleaning a toilet is all we can manage. There are definitely days like that. On those days, grab that win and treasure it. Brag to yourself about it. But also recognize that it was a goal you knew you could reach. Most of our goals should be Stretch Goals. They should require of us a good bit of effort. When you’re willing to put in that effort, you have the right to demand of Life that Life do His part and recompense you with the result. And you should have at least one Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal – like writing a book, starting a business, graduating college, getting your PhD. You’ll obviously have to put in more of your worth, but the wage you get to demand of Life is higher as well.

You may have to break through some mental barriers to make this happen. If you can’t do it on your own, you can, without any shame, seek counseling to help you push forward through those things. Sometimes it’s just helpful to figure out where those roadblocks came from, and they’re usually something we internalized, correctly or incorrectly, in our youth. I heard a lot, in my childhood, about how ambitious people behaved, and I sure didn’t want to be one of them – until I figured out that I could be ambitious and still be a good person.

Fear of failure, fear of rejection, and, believe it or not, fear of success can all keep us from being able to bargain for higher wages in Life’s game. I’m not going to tell you, “All you have to do is….”, because it’s never that simple. I’m not afraid to fail anymore, partly because I’ve learned that I can overcome any failure, but it wasn’t easy to learn that. I’m not afraid of rejection, but I don’t love it, and I will sometimes still let it keep me from diving into a task. Fear of success – no, I’m not afraid of it, but I know that some people are, and I have absolutely nothing to offer on that one. There are people who can help, I’m just not the one.

Several years ago, I was an employee on a contract that ended, and the contract was awarded to a different company. The work was essentially the same, and the incoming company made offers to the incumbent staff. The offer I received was significantly lower than the compensation I was receiving at the time, and I wasn’t willing to take a pay cut. The benefits package was also inferior. I did some calculations on the value of the benefits that I was going to have to obtain from other sources, including vacation time that wasn’t compensated, researched the average salary range for skills and experience in my field in my area, added 25%, and submitted my counteroffer. We agreed on a rate that was 12% rather than 25% higher than my requirements, and I accepted the offer. Then I took a position at another company for even more money and better benefits. I knew what my skills were worth and I lost nothing in asking for it.

THE ROLE OF EFFORT AND PERSISTENCE

I don’t always get what I ask for. There are many reasons that can happen. I may have an overinflated sense of the value of what I’m putting in. In that case, it will become apparent during the conversations. It’s also possible that the Life, or the other party, perhaps, simply cannot compensate me in the level I expect. But, I will persist; I’ll either keep asking or turn in another direction, or gain the thing that is preventing me from getting that penny. We can’t give up the first time someone tells us “no.”

Yes, sometimes you have to stop and rest to get over the disappointment of hearing what you didn’t want to hear. Take that time and do that. But set a date to get back to it. Look at your calendar every day and see that date coming closer and get ready to get back on it. Write down what you think you could improve on, and then try again. Or get ready to become what you need to be for the next time the opportunity comes around. If you’re trying to master a skill, you have to keep going, even when you flub it badly. That’s when persistence really matters. But you don’t ever have to be satisfied with what one person or company is offering.

REFLECT ON YOUR LIFE’S BARGAIN

Think about your current bargain with Life. Have you accepted pennies when you could have asked for more?  Ask yourself these questions:

• Am I pursuing goals that truly excite and challenge me, or am I choosing what’s comfortable and familiar?
• What dreams or ambitions have I put aside because I believed they were too difficult or unrealistic?
• In which areas of my life am I accepting “just enough” instead of striving for more? (career, relationships, personal growth, health)
• Am I clear about what I really want, or do I allow others to influence my expectations?
• When was the last time I set a goal that scared me but felt truly worth the effort?
• How often do I avoid taking risks because I’m afraid of failure or rejection?
• Do I spend more time preparing and planning than actually doing?
• What would I ask for if I knew I couldn’t fail?
• What limiting beliefs are holding me back from asking for more out of life?
• If I could renegotiate any part of my life right now, what would I ask for?

These might also be good questions for your Year-End Review – you do one of those, right?

YOUR TURN

Drop a comment below and share some of the things that have helped you gain appropriate return for your worth. I know what’s worked for me, but I’m always looking for new ideas. OR, tell about a time when you felt you bargained for a penny and came away disappointed. What would you do differently next time?

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