Family Stories: Why They Disappear and How to Save Them
My church places a strong value on family history. Not just genealogy, but the stories of our family. Writing them, telling them, reading them, remembering them. A study conducted by psychologists Robyn Fivush and Marshall Duke at Emory University showed that children who were familiar with the stories of their families demonstrated greater resilience than those who weren’t familiar with those stories. Those resilient kids also had a stronger sense of control over their lives, they exhibited higher self-esteem, and they felt that their families functioned well.
There’s something special in knowing something about an ancestor, even if that ancestor is only one generation removed from you (that is, your grandparent). You become a multi-generational entity, belonging to something larger and greater than yourself. When those things are true, you have a more complete ability to navigate challenges.
That’s why, beyond just gathering names and dates, we need to capture the stories of our families. We need to know how they lived, the struggles they faced and how they handled them, the foods they ate, the dances they danced, and the love they shared around the home. Historians write history, but the story of how life happened we discover in family histories.
The Urgency of Preserving Family Stories
We don’t realize we’re losing traditions. When I was a young girl, I had no interest in learning how to prepare any of the family meals. There were several dishes that my mom cooked for us, plus one dessert I particularly enjoyed, that I wish I had recorded somewhere. Over time, I probably would have lost them during one of my many moves, but if I had prepared those dishes a couple of times, I could probably have remembered them. I’ve asked my sister, and she doesn’t remember either. The dessert contained Kool-Aid mix and evaporated milk, but I don’t remember what all else.
Traditions that are unique to a family or a locality can disappear as members move away, new members enter the community with their own traditions, and the rising generations don’t feel the importance of preserving them. We lose not just the traditions, but the stories that go with them. The histories we tell as we exercise the traditions keep alive a time that has passed.
There’s a Glimmer of Hope
Many traditional crafts are enjoying an increase in popularity, though, as history-lovers pursue them for the sole purpose of preserving them. What we think of as homestead skills, traditional or natural medicine, and the simple toys of long ago have Facebook communities and SubReddits dedicated to them. Sourdough starter was a popular hobby during the Covid-19 shutdowns.
However, my mother-in-law came into our home with several recipe books that came from civic and church groups, and she has had them for several decades. The recipes in these time-worn books are often old family favorites. Many families have a tradition of keeping journals of at least the major events in their lives. Works of art, including music and literature, produced by family members, provide one of those touchpoints for future generations. These blog posts and my book will give my descendants some insight into who I was.
Don’t Wait Too Long to Collect Family Stories
Once a storyteller is gone, their unique insights and memories are gone as well. It’s easy today to record audio and video of someone just telling stories. We can start with a simple conversation, a phone call, or answering a few questions in writing, and building on what we get. When you start listening, you’ll often find the stories engaging.
What Family Stories Reveal About Everyday Life
We can read the history of settlers on the American plains, and we can understand a bit of how life was. But it’s in the personal accounts that we hear the heart-wrenching story of how a cholera epidemic tore the babies out of the hands of a mother who was sick herself. The phrase “cholera epidemic” is dry and clinical. The personal stories of what that “cholera epidemic” did to people, to families, and to communities, we find only in the stories written by the people who lived through it.
The details of daily living are best preserved in family stories. My mother-in-law tells of her mother-in-law baking biscuits for supper. She explains the details of measuring the lard with her hands, of knowing how much buttermilk to use, and, in a tribute to the woman’s frugality, how she preserved the last little nugget of biscuit dough for the next batch. You see, the stories reflect more than just events. They reveal the values, the challenges, and the joys of day-to-day life.
Expanding Beyond Words: Capturing Family Art
My father was an artist, and we still have some of his artwork. One of his pastel drawings always reminded me of an Appalachian farmer. My sister has many of his drawings and paintings, and I think we need to take steps to preserve them. They open up my father to us in a way that nothing else can. My photographs of some of the things we’ve seen and done, the family photos that my daughter-in-law has us take every few months – all these things contribute to the volume of family stories that our children and our children’s children will look to when they want to feel a connection.
Preserving physical artwork and copies of literature and music requires a bit of care, but it’s not difficult and it’s not particularly expensive. I think it will possibly take a little more effort and expense to preserve the pastel drawings than it will my father’s oil and acrylic paintings, but I’m willing to make the investment. My father passed away quite some time ago, and my two youngest children never knew him, or my mother.
Your Turn
I never knew my grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins. Only the cousins remain now, and I don’t know if it would be a good idea to try to find them. But I can create the stories and the memories that my children and their children will want to remember and pass on to their children and children’s children. Collected family stories and art form a legacy worth preserving.
What have you done to preserve your family’s history? What do you plan to start doing? Drop a comment and let’s share ideas!
If you’re interested in getting started, here are a couple of links to help you take the first steps:
How to Start Writing Family Stories: A Beginner’s Guide – Memowrite
Interviewing Your Loved Ones: A Guide to Gathering Family Stories and Memories
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